The feelings of anxiety, stress, frustration and boredom don’t just cause you pain, they are the complete opposite of the happiness you desire.
It is hard to visualise a bright future and to believe that you can be happy when you feel down.
The challenge is, “how do you train your mind to think positively and do what you want it to do?” You have spent your entire life training your mind to be the way it is now. You have deeply grooved habits and autopilots that control your thinking, your feelings and your behaviour.
If you have ever tried to make yourself feel happy when you are in a negative state by force of willpower you will know that willpower alone is not enough. There is a small, sulky voice inside you that will demand that you do not change. It is a “spoilt child” sort of whining voice that stamps it’s foot and seems to say, “No, I don’t want to change; I like being this way.”
And so you go on suffering, even though you know, deep inside, that being in this negative state is not helping you. Weirdly, you feel a kind of security with these thoughts, feelings and behaviours because you developed them and you are accustomed to living with them. And this adds to the difficulty of making changes.
But when you visualise your mind as the “thought machine” that created these negative feelings you realise that this same “thought machine” must therefore also be able to create the positive feelings that can drive you to a happy and fulfilling existence.
Think about running a marathon. If you don’t train your body will not survive the ordeal. You could train by going out and running hundreds of miles. That would help, but you would most likely finish as an “also ran”. Or you could get serious and hire a coach to motivate you and improve your running technique. With coaching you would be far more likely to both finish the race and achieve a respectable time. This is why every serious athlete in the world uses a coach.
It is the same with training your mind. Your “thought machine” is a body within your body. It can be trained to perform in the way that you want. But you need motivation and ‘know how’ guidance.
You will be far more likely to achieve what you want, and more quickly, when you are motivated and coached by a professional.
The challenge is that your mind is normally in a fairly chaotic state. It creates certain feelings out of habit when a particular situation triggers that feeling.
My client Mia told me that she could not help feeling nervous whenever the head of her department asked her to do something. She greatly respected the head of department, but she was also scared of letting him down and making herself look foolish. Just the sight of him approaching or his voice on the phone would trigger her nervousness. This was her deeply ingrained habit.
During our first coaching session Mia admitted that her nervous feeling was not logical and that it definitely did not help her to perform at her best.
I asked her how she would prefer to feel when he asked her to do something?
“I would like to feel pleased to have the opportunity to shine, to feel relaxed and confident that I could do what he was asking me to do.” Then she said, “I do know that he wants me to succeed and that it is good that he gives me opportunities to show what I am capable of. I also know that I am capable of doing well.” Then she sighed before adding, “It’s just that, well, I don’t know, I feel nervous in his presence. It was the same at school, the teachers made me feel nervous.”
Mia’s situation is not at all uncommon. I have encountered hundreds of people with similar feelings of Authority Figure Induced Nervousness.
After only 4 weekly coaching sessions we developed a way for Mia to switch her nervous feelings to positive, confident feelings that led to outcome focussed behaviour. A few months later she was promoted into a more senior leadership role.
To lead a happy and fulfilling life you must first overcome the barriers created by anxiety, stress, frustration and boredom. To do this you must take charge of your mind - you must own your mind.
To help you get started we offer a range of free videos that show you various ways of quickly overcoming some of the most severe barriers to being able to live an enjoyable life.
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